I was a very creative child...
9:04 AM Edit This 7 Comments »
All I can say in defense of myself is...nothing. I was a shamelessly creative child when it came to making up excuses. I don't think I ever used the classic 'The dog ate my homework!' I was much more inventive than that. One excuse stands out at me the most, and that one was hilarious. When i was a kid, i had a horrible mouth. Not a dirty mouth, like, I cursed a lot, but the bone formation was all off. So from the age of seven I had all kinds of appliances shoved, glued, cemented, and modled into my mouth. My orthodontist, the venerable Dr. Nunn, was very patient with me, thank the Lord. Back to my most remembered excuse:
I had a palate expander, this metal thing that was cememted to the roof of my mouth and my back molars, because my jaw was too narrow to allow for proper tooth growth. My mom or dad had to, every night, turn this little crank to expand the machinery a fraction of an inch, to gradually make my palate wider. That waxs still possible, since my jaw was still growing and forming. Well, they used this little key-like thing to turn the crank, and let me tell you, it hurt like a MOTHER after they had done the alotted two rotations. One night, I decided that it hurt too much, so I found the key, and stuck it in my mouth and loosened the crank. Well, three days later I had an orthodontist appointment, and Dr. Nunn saw how loose my palate expander was. When he asked me how it had gotten that loose, because he was genuinely puzzled, I gave him a brilliant answer.
"Well Dr. Nunn, my mom and dad got tired of always having to turn the crank every night, so they told my little sister, Alyse, to do it. I guess she must have cranked it the wrong way!"
At this, he was obviously skeptical, because he knew my parents better than that. He continued with his examination, then after the appointment, he brought my mom and me into his office and told her what I had told him. They both got a very good laugh, after he relayed my story, and I was sitting there, utterly confused. Why were they laughing? Then Dr. Nunn declared that he could write a book with all hte excuses that he's gotten from patients for not wearing their retainers, or doing what they were supposed to, but my excuse would be by far, the best he's heard yet.
....As far as I know, the book remains unwritten. =]
I had a palate expander, this metal thing that was cememted to the roof of my mouth and my back molars, because my jaw was too narrow to allow for proper tooth growth. My mom or dad had to, every night, turn this little crank to expand the machinery a fraction of an inch, to gradually make my palate wider. That waxs still possible, since my jaw was still growing and forming. Well, they used this little key-like thing to turn the crank, and let me tell you, it hurt like a MOTHER after they had done the alotted two rotations. One night, I decided that it hurt too much, so I found the key, and stuck it in my mouth and loosened the crank. Well, three days later I had an orthodontist appointment, and Dr. Nunn saw how loose my palate expander was. When he asked me how it had gotten that loose, because he was genuinely puzzled, I gave him a brilliant answer.
"Well Dr. Nunn, my mom and dad got tired of always having to turn the crank every night, so they told my little sister, Alyse, to do it. I guess she must have cranked it the wrong way!"
At this, he was obviously skeptical, because he knew my parents better than that. He continued with his examination, then after the appointment, he brought my mom and me into his office and told her what I had told him. They both got a very good laugh, after he relayed my story, and I was sitting there, utterly confused. Why were they laughing? Then Dr. Nunn declared that he could write a book with all hte excuses that he's gotten from patients for not wearing their retainers, or doing what they were supposed to, but my excuse would be by far, the best he's heard yet.
....As far as I know, the book remains unwritten. =]
7 comments:
I’m a terrific liar. I do it very infrequently, but trust me, when I do, nobody knows! Plus I'm an actor, so I'm good at putting on a false persona. Hahahaha! I’m lying right now, I’m a TERRIBLE liar! Or am I lying about that? You'll never know!!! HAAHAA! Its all lies, RUMORS AND LIES! Heheh.
Wow, that is hilarious. =P I never had to make excuses because I always did everything right. (=P) I only lied about hitting my brother:
MOM: Why did you hit Alberto?
ME: I didn't! Why does no one ever believe me??
MOM: Because he has a visible bruise on his forehead and he is crying and pointing at you.
Little siblings, gosh. So, I couldn't lie correctly because there was always evidence against me. I would believe that Alyse cranked it the wrong way. But that is very creative, I probably would have cried. I didn't like confrontation as a child.
~maria
Gee, this story is too funny. I can understand what you're talking about when you say the palate expander hurt like a mother, because I had one too! My mom used to have me lean over backwards over the the arm of the couch so she could crank it. Plus my mom is like half blind so most of the time she would just dig the key into the roof of my mouth. The experience was so painful I'll never forget it (though I wish I could). You have such funny stories to tell! You're right, you were a very creative excuse maker. I hope to hear some more tales from you're past soon!
That is so funny. I was never very creative. I would not even try to make excuses for what I had done other than blaming my sister. I have this "lying voice" which makes it very obvious when I am lying. One time I was with my best friend Katie and she invited her boyfriend over. I just wanted to hang out with her, and not her boyfriend. I texted my dad and said "call my phone and act really angry and then come and pick me up." He called and I did a really bad job fake lying with him. Katie was lke, "Jen russell is lying about something. That is her lying voice." I thought I was caught, but then she said, "What are you lying to your Dad about." I made up some phoney excuse about downloading songs from the internet. It was really funny that she recognized I was lying, but did not realize it was to her. Haha.
Okay, lets try this again. (I tried to post before but it didn't work.
I think your excuse was really good, and I would have said the same thing probably.
I remember once I was sleeping over my aunt's house, and all of my little cousins had that palet expander thingy, and well my aunt had to turn my cousin's, and he SCREAMED bloody murder for almost an hour after she did it! I was afraid of that thing lol.
Since you are the Queesn of Great Excuses (and an excellent creative writer), I think you should write the book!
Great post!
That's hilarious!
I used to blame my brother on everything, as well.
And my dolls.
When I was four,
I had this little Barney doll.
Well, I pushed my brother down the stairs,
and said "Barney did it!"
Looking back, I probably shouldn't have pushed him,
but hey, I was four!
Post a Comment